Trigger warning: SA, gender-based violence; 

Note: I talk about my perception of the experience of cis women in this essay from the point of view of being a cis, white, US-born woman. I acknowledge the intersectional experience of those elsewhere on the gender spectrum, and with racial identities different from my own. I hold space for, hear and value those experiences. I speak from my own experience, as I believe it is appropriate. I welcome learning.

Part 1: The Substance

If you haven’t seen the 2024 movie The Substance starring Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley, you gotta do it*. I have watched this fucking incredible film 3 times now, and I love it more each time I watch it. The gist is that the beautiful and talented Elisabeth Sparkle (Moore) finds herself aging our of her role as a TV fitness personality. Her network gives her the boot, and desperate to feel the validation that comes with being the perfect female public figure once again, she tries a shady, back alley beauty product, and the perfect body horror movie ensues. 

Beyond its undeniable value as a horror film, with delightfully disgusting practical effects and a third act which supercedes words, the Substance is an unflinching feminist masterpiece. It is about the reduction of women to commodifiable body parts, and the war that we wage internally against ourselves, and externally with other women, because of this. There is more to it, but that is the best way I can think of to sum it up without spoilers. 

Part 2: Girls Gone Wild

Okay, I will get back to the Substance, but now I want to talk about Girls Gone Wild. Another thing I recently watched is Girls Gone Wild: The Untold Story, a 3-part docu-series streaming on Peacock. This is a little harder to write about, because now we have left the realm of fiction and metaphor and entered the hellish meat market that young women coming of age in the late 90s and early 2000s were wont to. 

If you were over the age of like 9 anywhere between 1999-2010 you remember the infomercials: drunk young women shaking their bare breasts for beads on public streets while giggling and often expressing hesitation. This, by the admission of the creator of this exploitative home video enterprise, is what they were selling; not the bare breasts, but the idea that this “girl” wouldn’t normally do this sort of thing. They want unwilling participants, they want the “good girl gone bad.” Commodification of her body parts, but also the commodification of her perceived chastity outside of this recording, or product. Commodification of girlhood, sexualized and chopped up into pieces, with little pink nipples.

Unsurprisingly, the docu-series reveals a series of abuses, coerced sex work, rape, and countless minor children who were victims of all of the above. This should surprise no one; after all it’s girls gone wild, not women gone wild. What some may find surprising, is that in 2008, when a civil suit was brought against the production company for a litany of these abuses, an all female jury decided not to award the victims any money because they wanted to teach them a lesson for sexualizing themselves. People who were children at the time they were coerced into doing so.

Part 3: Meat market math

Perhaps you are aware of this dynamic. The bitterness between younger women and older women. The unhealthy competition that exists between those of us who are young, beautiful, and may naively believe our personhood is not revocable and those of us who are older, less commodifiable, if at all, and who are painfully aware that commodifiable beauty may get you attention and validation but it will not give you personhood. 

This dynamic, laid bare (no pun intended) in Girls Gone Wild: The Untold Story, is what The Substance calls our attention to. Older women are devalued by our culture at large, and dismissed as jealous, unfuckable hags. This is internalized and we get jury outcome like I described above. Young women cannot lean on the wisdom of older women, because the former are seen as competition to the latter. Men desire youthful beauty, and older women live in the fear that they are replaceable commodity. After all, when the youthful beauty fades, what is left that is worth anything at all?

We are pitted against one another in order to reinforce the front opposing our personhood at 15 and at 50. At 15 we are sexy jailbait with no personhood, at 50 we are a decrepit witch with no personhood. But wait, what about the MILF? The cougar? Yes, some older women find ways to hold on to beauty in a way that deems them fuckable enough to have some value on the body part market. Isn’t that swell?

Part 4: Why I was a huge bitch

The Substance and Girls Gone Wild: The Untold Story gave me a new angle to consider in looking back on my younger self and the world I came of age in. I hadn’t quite put all the pieces together so clearly until now.

I was a mean and angry young teen and very young adult. I numbed myself with a variety of substances. I “dated” grown men as a child, and they treated me like dirt. I have always looked back on this time in my life in confusion and shame. I’m not mean nor angry, not at my core. But I was, for a number of years. 

I see now that it was, of course, a defense against the loss of my personhood. “Dating” adults as a child, I learned that any politeness in my refusal was seen as a “maybe,” or a point of weakness where I could be worn down into a “yes.” So I learned to say “FUCK NO” and “FUCK OFF, I’M A BITCH.” 

Over the years, as the market value of my body parts plummeted, I released the rage and put the armor down. I didn’t have to be so mean to be left alone anymore. I have compassion for me now. Beyond that, I have compassion for other women in a way that is less fraught. I am 35 now, which is still so young but also old enough to be considered rancid in meat market, cast asunder. This is actually a relief to me. I feel like when I go into public, fewer men are eye-fucking me. I feel safer, more invisible. I can relax a bit more, though I am always aware of my surroundings. 

The truth is, women need intergenerational friendships. Older women being kind to younger women and vice versa. Pitting ourselves against one another only serves those who deny our personhood. Within this structure, the sexy young thing with the ass and the tits is no more a person than the unfuckable, jealous old hag. She is however, more profitable, more marketable, and ultimately more desirable. When we reject this structure we can understand that she is YOU. She is ME. Outside of untimely demise, women will be BOTH of these archetypes. The maiden and the crone. 

Part 5: WTF does any of this have to do with astrology?

Pluto is about power. In having an awareness of the cultural dynamics of sex and sexuality, you know that sex is also about power. We can’t talk about power without talking about powerlessness. Therefore, Pluto is also about sex and about powerlessness. This dwarf planet has been transiting the part of the sky called Capricorn since 2008 and left this sign for the final time in November of this year of our lord’s sweet tits, 2024. 

Capricorn is about a couple of things. It is about status and structure. It is about the test you must prepare for, and the tangible realities you must accept. Capricorn is about the things which seem to just have always been in place, and what is more enduring than the dehumanization of women through sexualization? Further, Capricorn is traditionally the sign of the father, and thus, the patriarchal structures in our world. 

During the transit of Pluto through Capricorn, we have seen challenges to the once untouchable power of the men at the top of some of these structures, and also the immense backlash to this. There is a concept in Taoism- the 10,000 things that rise and fall. The ebb reflected equally in the flow of all things. For as much ground as we have gained, not just women, but all outside of established power structure as it relates to gender, we have gained equal amounts of backlash. As the movement of the previously powerless pushed forward, so did the reactionary movement of those who seek to preserve their role as our owners,  who determine our market value, and ultimately either enrich themselves upon or consume the commodity that is a woman’s body. If you have read this far, you know what I’m talking about. 

When I reflect on my journey through Pluto in Capricorn, I see the ways in which I was abused and controlled by the patriarchal structures. ESPECIALLY once I became a mother. The ways in which I was commanded to fall in line or be cast into the pit of abject poverty, the ways in which I was devalued because of my outspoken nature being misaligned with my gender, the ways in which I was punished for my boldness, and the beautiful alliances I made with others on the fringes of the power structure. 

I see the women in my life who chose the other path; capitulation and submission to patriarchal structure because of the immense scrutinization and outright hatred of independent women, and their fear of their own loss of value because of their age or sexual history. I hold the space for their liberation, but I also know I must be cautious and reserved in my expression.

I am not naive enough to think that I have unchallenged personhood in the wake of this era. In fact, I feel that my personhood is both more validated than ever and more challenged than ever, as is the way of the 10,000 things. 

Part 6: The Final New Moon of 2024 

I am interested to see what Pluto in Aquarius will bring. We have already begun the new era as of November, as Pluto left Capricorn for the final time. Now, today (12/30/2024) we have the final new moon of 2024, in Capricorn, naturally. I felt in an appropriate time to write a short essay on the last 16 years and my experience within this transit. Looking ahead is good, but looking back is better teacher. Maybe that is my Capricorn stellium in the 10th house talking. 

Ultimately it is a good time to reflect on the themes in your life since 2008. Where did you start and end up? What was your relationship to traditional power structures during this time. Did you fall down and say “uncle” the way that I did (a few times)? Did you get back up wiser and seize a bit of power for yourself? I hope so. 

* The Substance is streaming on an app called Mubi, which is an arty movie app with some good stuff on it, and yes there is a free trial.